so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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