she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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