you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
