No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
