Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
