I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
