i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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