If i come over, it means nothing
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
