Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
