You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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