How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
