You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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