Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
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If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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