literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
