My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
