I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize