Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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