I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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