I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
