Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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