Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
