he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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