@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
