from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
