Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
