Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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