the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
