why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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