walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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