theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize