omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
