Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
