Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
