Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
