today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
