I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You pole danced in your parka.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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