I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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