White coat. Heels.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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