I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
