sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
