I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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