well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
