I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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