i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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