Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
