Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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