ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
