Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
