if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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