I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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