Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
