I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
