And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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