Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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