All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
