A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
