If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
