Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
