My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
